Hi this is my first time posting a question and I just really need to talk to someone who understands and maybe can help. I thought I had bad asthma, never had time to see a md and I had lousy insurance. One day I left work and really don't remember much after that. I was hospitalized, then life stared to Hartford hospital. I was put in a coma for 17 days. I still remember all the hallucinations and how scary most of them were. I'm grateful for the ones that were just strange. Anyway woke up after the coma completely paralyzed from the neck down. That was almost 2years ago. My COPD has gotten worse and worse. As a matter of fact I don't think I could have done worse on the PFT, and the walking test they would not allow me to do. I just don't know how much more of this I can take, I am only 52 yet my life feels over. I cant work, going out takes so much energy. When I have a lot of appts in a week, I pay for it the next week by my energy being gone. Sometimes I will be thirsty but too tired and sometimes too scared to go to fridge and get something because of all the twist and turns I usually have to take my oxygen off to get to kitchen. I am starting to feel this is not worth fighting for. I am not taking care of myself the way I should and I'm not sure if I really care or am just too tired. I lost my job, my home and am now renting a room that I hate. Most of my friends that I thought were friends were not, I was robbed while in hospital, they even took my clothes. my nice clothes anyway - one shirt I found in a consignment shop, I had a hem put on the shoulders with a patch so I knew it was mine. people were trying to convince me they would show up but just all the nice things were taken. Sad thing is I think I know who did this and I think they thought I was going to die and went over and took what they wanted so that no one else go there first. They fought over my car. I have no family left except a daughter who has a full life and is very happy, I cant put this on her. I basically tell her I am tired but ok. The only place I enjoy being anymore is in my bed watching tv. I see a therapist am on anti depressents but don't seem to be getting anywhere. I feel abandoned by my friends except for two but again, they have their own life. MY test scores are horrible FEV1 29 and 9 on the bode, I think that's what it is called test. I have really lost everything to this and don't think I will ever hear myself laugh again, I know of course their are people worse then me but even that does not bring me gratitude anymore. I need knew friends, maybe people who understand this disease, who are not so critical or cruel with the things they say. I live in this tiny rundown town that I doubt have any support groups but I definitely need to stay away from the people who criticize me every chance they get. Its almost like they think they are not going to take it easy me and I'm not sure why.