When we think about words like borders, boundaries, and limits, they often have a negative undertone. However, it is healthy to set boundaries when it comes to personal relationships. When living well with a lung condition like COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), or bronchiectasis, people often think only about “the medicine,” yet those with these lung conditions usually manage so much more. Boundaries tell people where space begins and ends. When it comes to relationships, this means defining what you need for yourself and what you can do for others. So how do you set healthy boundaries in relationships with the people you love the most? The answer is communication.
Here are three steps in setting healthy boundaries in your relationships:
- Organize your thoughts - It is never easy to have difficult conversations with the ones you love the most. If you are newly diagnosed, you may still be processing information about your diagnosis and considering your next steps. Have you been managing your lung condition for a while, but because of frequent flare-ups, need to set limits on what you can commit to with your family? Is your schedule just too busy leaving you little time to rest and recover? Listen to how you feel. Take time to organize your thoughts and recognize where you need to make changes. This can help you prioritize conversations and share your needs with others.
- Communicate your needs respectfully - One thing about setting healthy boundaries that cause most people to worry is concern for hurting the feelings of loved ones. Speak to your family and friends about the things that worry you the most. If you have COPD, bronchiectasis, or another lung condition, you may want to explain how your health condition has changed and why you need to set a new boundary or limit. For example, if heat or outdoor triggers bother your lungs, this may affect activities that you can do outdoors. Give yourself permission to say “no” or ask for what you need. Share your feelings and provide tips on how to establish a plan.
- Implement boundaries - When it comes to implementing boundaries with your loved ones, be consistent. If you set a limit or move the boundary on occasion, you may find that things never change. For instance, you may find that hosting holidays at your home is too difficult a task with set-up, hosting, and clean-up. If that happens, do not be persuaded to host Thanksgiving, even if someone brings the turkey. Instead, find creative ways to continue to do the things that you enjoy while removing stress and pressure.
Boundaries in relationships are not selfish. They prioritize your worth and remove burdens. Conversations around limitations are healthy to have with loved ones. You may find that by healthy boundaries, your mood and relationships improve over time. How have you set boundaries in your relationships? Did it go well?