Talking About Your Mental and Emotional Needs: Breaking Down Barriers to Heart-to-Heart Communication
Communicating our needs is often difficult, but a very important thing to do.
First, I want to applaud you for reading this, because that means that you know that mental and emotional health are important, and you know that YOU are important. Your needs are valid, and they deserve to be communicated.
How many times do we feel like there is something going on emotionally, but we do not have words to express how we are feeling or what we are needing? Maybe you are having some anxiety and fear because of changes in symptoms. Or maybe some sadness because of not being able to do the things that you used to do with ease? Those feelings are real, and they are valid. We talk to people about our physical symptoms, but the emotional ones often go unspoken. Sometimes we may think that people cannot tell that we are experiencing strong emotions. However, often those that love us know something is going on and want to help.
How do I start, you might ask?
If talking about your feelings is new to you, do not put it off any longer. Choosing someone to talk to who makes you feel comfortable is an important first step. This person might be a loved one, friend, or health care provider. Getting things out in the open and talking to someone helps you to understand what is really going on inside. Knowing someone understands you can also help you have the confidence to make changes.
One way to start is to use a “conversation trigger” like a TV show, movie, or even a situation that you have witnessed between other people. I recommend choosing a time and place where you will not be interrupted or rushed.
Remember, your emotions can affect your overall health and well-being. Having open communication about how you are doing mentally is a vital part of caring for yourself.
How can you provide support to your loved ones when they communicate their needs to you? If your loved ones open up to you about their mental and emotional needs, there are a few things that you can do to support them and encourage good communication.
The first step is to practice active listening: Active listening is more than just hearing what someone is saying. It involves connecting with them and being present in the moment. Other steps to take:
- Don’t interrupt: Allowing your loved ones to talk freely without interruption will help them to feel heard and will help you process what they are saying to you.
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues: Body language and eye contact can often tell you more about what someone is feeling than the actual words that are being spoken. Sitting or standing with an open posture, facing your loved one, avoiding crossed arms or positions that look like you are not interested, and using intentional eye contact are important parts of active listening. One way that you can show that you are listening is to respond with head nods, yes, uh-huh’s, and other cues that you are connecting with what they are saying.
- Listen without judgment: Remember that your loved one chose to open up about their needs and feelings and they need your support. You may not agree with some of the feelings that they have expressed, or they may cause an emotional response in you. However, it is important not to judge what your loved one is saying. Judgment and emotion can block you from hearing what they are saying.
- You don’t have to fix it: No one likes to see their loved ones hurting or needing something, but sometimes the best thing we can do is listen and let them process what they are feeling. We are not always sure if our loved one needs someone to listen, or if they are truly seeking advice or ideas. If you are not sure ask. “Do you need someone to listen, or do you need help coming up with a solution?”
We all have a need to connect with others and be heard. What are some things that you have found work for you when communicating about your mental and emotional health? Let's chat!