It happens often. We pick up the phone or log on to visit with a friend through our computer screen, and say, “How are you?”
I hate to say it, but many of us have gotten too used to saying, “How are you?” automatically and we don’t even listen to the other person’s answer. We are so expecting people to say, “I’m fine,” or “I’m okay,” that A.) Would we even hear it if they said something other than the standard, happy answer? Or B.) Would we know what to say if the person answered, “Well, I’m not doing so well,” or “I’m feeling lousy today.”
Back when I was in charge of breathing support group meetings, one member of the group, a rather outspoken lady, would not let us say that. She said that instead, its better to say, “It’s good to see you.” I’m glad she called me out on it. After that I stopped myself from blurting out the usual and actually said, “It’s good to see you, Leona.” And I really meant it.
Have you ever had a person respond to you with something other than the usual, pat answer? Or have you ever responded yourself with something like “Well, now that you asked, I’ll tell you the truth. I feel really crummy and I can’t breathe.”
What do you think? How can we do better? How can we make our conversations – even the very brief ones - more meaningful? And how can we be better listeners?